Damsel in distress - believable characters and emotional balance

My writing drought unfortunately hasn't finished yet but I'm fighting it. I was going to write about learning on e-courses and online conferences but I was braindead for a several days and even looking at my keyboard made my eyelids go heavy and droop. I hoped someone would come and wave their magic wand and dispel the horrible thing, but I waited and waited and...nothing happened.

Then I read a very interesting post on Too Stupid To Live heroine on Heroes and Heartbreakers blog and thought Why don't I write about another post in Believable Characters series? It shouldn't be hard. I like writing about people I know. And who would I know better than a Damsel in Distress, since (clears her throat, embarrassed) I am a bit of one.

Key characteristic: Damsel in Distress usually lives a charmed, playful life, where there is no place for mundane problems. She has a strong sense of being special, and above and beyond rules and laws. She dances on meadows, picking flowers and chasing butterflies. She doesn't worry about paying bills, or what's for dinner. Whatever her age, she is always a little girl, who loves fun and have no sense of danger. She gets herself into trouble because she looks at the world through rose-tinted glasses or because she doesn't feel vulnerable, just like Sleeping Beauty who goes to a tower she's never known existed, speaks to an old woman she's never met before and tries something she doesn't even knows the name of (spindle).
DiD always looks young and her clothes usually emphasise this. Long, floating, flowery dresses, hats, long hair, a bunch of flowers in her hand - yes, you've got it right! DiD loves her freedom and being special. She's proud of being different.

On the other hand her youth, energy, enthusiasm for what's new, genuine curiosity for people and the world make her an attractive person. She makes friends easily and has many of them. She is a great listener, can 'read people' and is gentle. Since she needs people to support her, she avoids conflicts, keeps her opinions to herself and is a great peace keeper.
She doesn't care about the future, often she would not have a concept of future beyond the next week. She doesn't plan her life beyond the weekend. Forget marriage, children, commitments. Some Damsels in Distress forever remain damsels fading into spinsterhood with a wilted daisy chain on their head.

The black side of a DiD is a Troubled Teen (again: whatever her age) - out-of-control, ignorant, angry young woman who would get into trouble with the police, gangs, or unwanted pregnancy and expect her parents to turn up and rescue her. This type is even more selfish and manipulative than her more innocent sister. With her lack of sense of danger, feeling of being special, invincible and entitled she wastes her life away on proving (or rather not proving) her point.


Relationships: The key word is dependence. Damsel in Distress can't make decisions for herself and needs other people to lean on, feed her, entertain her, organise the life for her. She has trouble committing to one relationship and will happily jump from one to another. And since she can't live by herself, she goes from one relationship to the next straightaway, without reflecting on what went wrong with the previous one. She comes across as being innocent and vulnerable, and attracts men who want to take care of her, or who feel she's easy to domineer.

Typical backstory: Damsels I've met in real life were of two types. First one- with overprotective (or even controlling) parents, never had to grow up and take responsibility for her life - there was always someone to rescue them (usually Daddy, hence Damsels are often Daddy's Princesses). They grew up being special, for whatever reasons - be it being the only child (daughter), the youngest one, or maybe the sick one? Although they may (intellectually) know the world is a scary place, they never had a sense of it since they have always been protected.
Be mindful, there may be a serious child abuse lurking behind these lovely pictures of caring parents. The worse the abuse, the stronger the connection between the abuser and the child, and 'coming to her rescue' may be part of the game.

The other type is a child who experienced abandonment at an early stage (usually in the first 2 years); the abandonment didn't have to be of the scale of abuse or even purposeful. A typical scenario is a single full time working mother, a mother who became sick for a longer period (e.g. had to go to hospital, or was depressed) and couldn't take care of the child. The girl then had to 'fend for herself' - she's mastered how to make people look after her, but hasn't learnt the sense of real danger, or worse - since she knew how to make people do things for her she's gained a (absolutely false) sense of omnipotence, just like toddlers have.

Typical jobs: DiD loves their freedom and would hate mundane 'nine to five' jobs. She has short attention span and needs constant stimulation. DiD loves variety and hates making decisions. She is often an Eternal Student, moving from one course to another and collecting certificates, diplomas and other academic trophies. If you want to add external conflict, give your DiD a boring, repetitive office job, leaving which would require far too many decisions to make and a few people to upset.

Motivations: safety and security, but also freedom to be herself and lead whatever lifestyle she likes. She enjoys being different and would go to great lengths to emphasise it.

Biggest fears: being abandoned (yet again), left to fend and make decisions for herself ; loosing her freedom; not being special; boredom

Potential for growth: Although Damsel in Distress seems to be a little passe these days, I believe that she can be an interesting character to have in your romance novel. Not only she can be likable (unless it's the Troubled Teen you have) but there is great potential for growth!  Just imagine this sweet, helpless, spineless flower girl meeting a man who hates damsels in distress. Imagine that journey she embarks on to become a strong, assertive, independent woman and win her man's heart. All you need to do is to help her realise the world isn't as safe place as she thinks, get off her backside and start taking responsibility for her own life and future. So much room to grow.

More about Damsel in Distress in media here.


Examples from film and literature: Persefone, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, Jane Austen's Emma, Jane in Tarzan, many of Bond girls or my favourite DiD - Abby Harper from My Family comedy series.




Do you think there is still place for Damsels in Distress in contemporary romantic fiction? Do you like them? Or rather feel like teaching them a lesson on danger and independence?

Writing drought and other misterous conditions

Since the beginning of April I have been struggling to write. At first, I though I was just tired - there were good reasons to feel so - February and March were very intensive with revisions and rewritings for my OCD book, research and attempts to get a first chapter and a synopsis finished on time for Great Beginnings contest, Alzheimer blogging competition, an online course to learn to write better synopsis, writing for this and the other blog, tweeting, and on the top of that big decisions to be made in my day job.

I thought: I need holidays. So I went to South Island. I had nice time, but came back disappointed with Fiordland. It was well below what I expected to see. Maybe except for Queenstown, which pleasantly surprised my with its autumn colours and almost European feel. This is the best photo out of 115 I took while visiting Queenstown, Milford Sound and Doubtful Sound.

Lake Wakatipu, Queenstown, NZ
copyright by Kate Kyle

So I came back, well rested, shortlisted in Alzheimer's Blogging comp, did not submit my entry to RWNZ contest, never wrote that synopsis for the e-course, still unable to write.
I keep calling it 'writing drought' but it's not really a drought  - I have lots of ideas for novels, non-fiction books, articles and even a textbook! It's not a writer's block, because I know that if I sit for long enough I would just got it out on paper.

It may be something to do with not being able to commit myself to writing. I keep thinking: 'It's a brilliant idea I need to write that book proposal, but which publisher I send it to?' But there are so many publishers that I could submit my book proposal to, I don't know which one to chose. So I then think that I need a agent first. But I need a book proposal to submit a query about. But how do I write a book proposal if I don't have a publisher in mind. And da capo al fine.
I just can't be decide, and so I spend another evening watching one of my favourite sitcoms on DVD and pottering about, feeling like I still have time, while I don't.

Has any of you ever had a similar problem? How did you overcome it? Any ideas how to break that blimmin' vicious cycle?

The Charmer - believable characters and emotional baggage

Apologies for not posting for over 2 weeks but I've been through a bit of a writing&blogging drought recently. Today it's time for another romance archetype/stereotype, but a male one for a change - The Charmer. It's the type of character closest to Victoria L. Schmidt's archetype of The Woman's Man and Dionysus, the god of the grape harvest, wine, madness and ecstasy.
I have come across many charmers in romance novels. It's a prefect hero for your story because in order to stay in a relationship (for the Happily Ever After) he has to grow.

Photo by Federico Stevanin
www.freedigitalphotos.net

Key characteristics: The Charmer loves women and women love him. He is a free spirit, cheeky, cocky, simply likable. He can also be kind and loyal and knows his limits. He understands women, can be their best friend, support them and encourage to become stronger and more aware of their beauty, inner strenghts or charm.
In romance novels, and certainly in those medical one I've read, The Charmer is often a lover of life and fun, and teaches the heroine how to (re)-discover simple pleasures of life, spontaneity, fun and sensuality. he is the one who embarks on crazy adventures and is keen to try new things.
If you have a heroine who has dedicated her life to her career (would work well with The Perfect Nurse), who forgotten how to or is unable to celebrate sensual pleasures or fun, a heroine who would benefit from a self-esteem boost, The Charmer is your man. He will help her change.

Relationships: Although The Charmer would do a good, loyal friend, he is unable to commit to one relationship. He loves his freedom far too much and is scared of commitment and responsibility that comes with being in a relationship. Fortunately, this is exactly who you may need for your story, because with carefully set up conflict and character's arch you can help transform The Charmer into Mr Right. Interestingly, he forms strong friendships with women, but not with men and he is often rejected by other men and society for being different, or not manly enough (which is not true).

The Charmer is a dreamer, but he often doesn't have what it takes to achieve his dreams. He doesn't worry about money and often doesn't have them. He can be moody, loves sex and can make it fun and ecstatic. He has had many women and has broken (not on purpose!) many hearts. To him, all women are beautiful. He can see their inner beauty and can help bring it up to the surface (sometimes in Pygmalion's way), but no one will ever be as good as the ideal he is looking for. The ideal has a lot to do with his mother, and The Charmer may even be aware that his ideal Miss Right is a woman who could be both - a mother and a wife to him.

Typical backstory: Typically, The Charmer had a strong and close (too strong and too close) relationship with his mother. It was her who taught him how to understand women, how to be gentle to them and how to make them happy. His father is often an absent or distant figure, with little if any influence over the boy. Often, his mother taught him that men are bad and harm women (like his father harmed his mother) - that's why The Charmer doesn't like other men.
The Charmers I've met in real life often had Femmes Fatale for mothers - there is no woman more beautiful, sexier and more charming than her. Sometimes, the mother is idealised because she died in his early life and the young man has been searching for that perfect wife who would also be a mother to him (It sounds like one of your characters, Fiona, doesn't it?).

Typical jobs: As a free spirit, The Charmer will often hover on the fringe of society. He's a dreamer without the power of commitment so you won't find him among local businessmen, or on a list of high achievers. He rarely cares about his career, so despite talents, intelligence and potential, he will rarely have a powerful job, or he may even have no proper job at all. He's more likely to live like a hippie, or some other counterculture believer. He can work in other realms and dimensions - as a Shaman, a spiritual teacher, or be a pirate, a rock star or James Bond.

Motivations: the unconditional love (or his mother/wife), the total freedom (and other dreams), the thrill of having fun; also the fear of commitment.

Biggest fears: loosing his female friends, his freedom (hence fear of commitment and jobs with lots of rules, regulations and structure) and being exposed as a weak, unambitious dreamer (hence the choice of careers where ambitions don't count); also being prosecuted by the society as not being 'man enough' (I can see a potential source for internal conflict here).

Potential for growth: in order to remain in one relationship, The Charmer needs to learn to commit and be responsible. As he has not had a good male role model, he also needs to learn to be a grown-up man in the society, whether it's related to having a family or a 'proper' career. He may also need to learn how to interact with men (and that not all men wants 'one thing' and want to harm women).

Examples from film and literature: James Bond, Captain Jack Sparrow from The Pirates from the Caribbean, Johnny Castle in Dirty Dancing.

I admit, I like having a Charmer as a hero, because there is a lot of potential for internal and external conflict with my typical, overly committed, serious, all-work-no-joy heroine. Do you like The Charmer? Why?
What is your favourite type of hero?

Building believeble relationships between characters in fiction

Conflict between your characters is the essence of every romance story. It drives the story forward and characters apart. Although it doesn't stop your hero and heroine from failing in love with each other, it stops them from falling into each other's arms in Chapter one.

Conflict comes from your characters' character. It's about what they care about, strive for, what they're scared of. What is at stake in the conflict, as Kate Walker in her '12 point guide to writing romance' writes, has to be important enough for your characters to be worth arguing over and even taking the risk to lose the love of their life. And when, in attempts to create really powerful tension (conflict), you give your characters opposing goals and strong motivation to achieve them, after all that effort to keep your hero and heroine apart, it may be hard to make them fall into each other's arms in the last Chapter.

Happily ever after is as much the essence of romantic fiction as conflict. And although nowadays a romantic novel does not have to end with wedding bells ringing, we, as romance writers, need to give our readers enough to believe that hero and heroine's relationship will last until their golden anniversary, or at least as long as we can think of. To achieve a satisfying ending, there has to be enough attraction between your characters throughout the story. There needs to be a balance the push of conflict with the pull of love.

So how can we build a relationship that will last, at least on paper? What are the keys to a successful relationship, beside the most obvious sexual attraction?



Photo by graur razvan ionut
at www.freedigitalphotos.net



1. Good communication - happy couples exchange ideas, feelings, news, beliefs, problems in a polite, respectful and appreciative manner. Even when you have to have your H/H arguing and or misunderstanding  each other show that they listen, communicate, understand and be understood in other areas. E.g. in medical romance H&H can have problems in communicating on private level, but they do it much better when they work together.


2. Constructive resolution of conflict - when criticising, happy couples don't generalise ('You always do this', or 'You never say that'); they attack the problem not the person, they don't withdraw from the interaction. even when you characters disagree over something, show them being able to see solutions in a constructive manner.

3. Shared values and beliefs- happy couples share values and spiritual beliefs. Show your H&H being passionate about the same issues, e.g. greener living, civil rights, their faith. Successful couples agree that they want to pursue the same life paths, values and goals and mutually commit to it, whether it's about having or not children, saving or spending money, travelling or settling down.
4. Sharing and similarities - maybe opposites attract but it's similarites that keep people together. Give your hero and heroine things to do together - a shared hobby, a passions for dancing or love of early swim in the sea, and let them spend quality time together, outside the daily routine of household chores and work

5. Ability to understand each other motives. Give them opportunities and skills to understand each other's motives. When your hero or heroine is feeling angry, hurt or betrayed because of something the other one has said or done, at some point show them taking a moment for quiet reflection to try to understand why the other one has said or done what they did. This way, you make sure that when they finally fall in each other arms, their understanding of the other person and their forgiveness is genuine.

6. Humour. Let them share a sense of humour - it's not only one of things they share, but also a fantastic tool to deal with difficult moments in life.

7. Mutual admiration and respect. Let them admire and respect each other - again to use medical romance as an example, even when they are still not able to see enough qualities on the personal level, H&H often admire and respect each other for who they are professionally.

8. Give them ability to deal with crisis, stress and frustration - it will come handy in the future (after the Happily Ever After)

9. Show that each of them is capable of being empathic, sensitive, selfless and honest; equip them with fidelity, adaptability and tolerance- in other words: give them what it takes to live with another person in such intimate closeness for a long time.

More about qualities of successful couple here and here.

And what do you do to make sure that the Happily Ever After is possible despite all the differences, personality clashes and arguments you have thrown at you hero and heroine throughtout your story?

The Perfect Nurse - believeble characters and emotional baggage



First of all, apologies for taking so long to write the next post in the Believable Characters and emotional baggage series. Since I promised to write about The Good Wife stereotype/archetype I've been waiting for my copy of 45 Master Characters to arrive. It arrived today (after many problems), but there is no Good Wife in there. Well, not in the sense I understand this type.
I don't want to confuse anyone by sticking a wrong label on a character, so I decided to put this one off until I'm sure what Elizabeth (Currie) meant by the Good Wife. BTW, dear Elizabeth can you please, give a couple of examples of Good Wives from fiction or film?

In the meantime another character you are likely to come across while reading women's fiction and romance - The Perfect Nurse. As you can imagine - this type often populate medical romance and in fact, heroines in two novels I've read recently, as well as my heroines (Ann and a new one - Stephanie) have many features of The Perfect Nurse.




Photo by photostock
via www.freedigitalimages.net



Key characteristics: The Perfect Nurse is often a strong woman, putting others before herself, helpful, caring, committed to (her family, job, whatever she is involved into), dedicated, would go out of her way to help, generous, altruistic, prone to sacrifice; also tends to forfeit  her own identity and dreams for the sake of the person she's caring for; lacking assertiveness, often struggles to look after herself. PN rarely cares about her looks, she's often not aware of her sex appeal or external beauty.

She needs to be needed, exists through her giving, often can't take or even ask for help. Giving, caring, nurturing are her raisons d'etre; if this is taken away from her - she falls to pieces. She identifies herself through her role as a carer, nurturer (e.g. I'm Josh's mother; if in a caring profession, her job would become her hobby and whatever else she needs in life). If she can't look after other people she doesn't know what to do with herself. Sometimes a PN would realise herself through motherhood and may even have one child after another to feel fulfilled.
Her caring can be stifling and in the extreme she becomes The Overcontrolling Mother or even The Evil Matriarch.

Relationships: PN have lots of friends - people love being around her; she loves being among people she can help, so when it comes to relationships she would tend to fall for men she can care for: single dads, wounded heroes (physically or emotionally), or disadvantage men. In the extreme, PN is likely to be in relationships with alcoholics, compulsive adulterers, liars and other types of helpless cases, believing that her love will cure them. If PN happens to be in a relationship with a strong, sound and perfectly happy hero, it's probably because she thinks he has some secret flaw she can uncover and heal (I'm going to write more about creating realistic and lasting relationships soon).

Typical backstory: PN has always been looking after someone from a very young age. It's usually a woman who had to look after her younger siblings, sick parents or elderly and frail people. Often there is a history of abandonment in their life, but later rather than early - at the time when a little girl can decided to be strong and look after others (8-12 y.o) - this may be in a context of parents divorcing, mother becoming ill/dying.
She's usually gone through life caring for other people, being a home and a peacemaker, a specialist in making other people happy and rubbish at being assertive and looking after herself.

Typical jobs: of course - a nurse, but also other caring professions, like doctors, vets, social workers, nannies, professional carers, teachers. PN would often work/volunteer for a charity. She is likely to work more than necessary, stay after hours to do duties she doesn't have to do because she cares so much for her patients. She also tends to get overinvolved and loose professional boundaries (e.g. Ann, a psychologist form my first novel goes on a private search to find a missing patient). If working in health care system, she is likely to be in conflict with people who perceive health care as business

Motivation: PN needs to be needed. She also strives for love, acceptance and belonging. She would love to be looked after but she can't do it. She often can't even ask for help - asking for help is perceived by her as a sign of weakness. After all, she's the helper!

Biggest fears: not being needed anymore, so loosing the person she looks after (child has grown up, hero is healed), loosing job, retiring; also being forced to ask for help.

Potential for growth: PN may need to learn to let go of her need to look after other people and redefine her identity not through other people. As she isn't good at looking after herself, she may need to learn it, or learn to let others take care of her, and even learn to ask for help.

Examples form film and literature: Demeter, Beauty in Beauty and the Beast, Mary Poppins.